Scene: a big fancy room in a big fancy building.
European Banker: You must help us! No one wants to trade in Euros, or borrow them at interest, or anything, because the economies that back them are all messed up!
Capitalist: This is a valuable market signal! The weak demand for, and vanishingly small interest rates on, your currency means that you are doing things wrong. You should reassess how your economies are structured and see if, for instance, they are run primarily for the benefit of politically-connected individuals and institutions who steal billions on a whim, but produce nothing of value.
European Banker: Who let him in here? GUARDS!
Shouts and scuffling, gradually receding into the distance.
European Banker: Apologies, my friends, most embarrassing.
U.S. Federal Reserve Banker: No problem, mon ami, these things happen.
European Banker: But back to our problems! If there is no demand for Euros, economic activity will slow, people will have financial difficulties, perhaps even come to think that our economies are run primarily for the benefit of politically-connected individuals and institutions who steal billions on a whim, but produce nothing of value. They could demand change! We might lose power! And we really, really, really like power.
U.S. Federal Reserve Banker: I understand completely, mon cher, mon coeur. It is not a problem! We will buy your Euros with our dollars, and we will pay as much for them as if they were actually valuable, and your economies healthy! We will make dollars cheap, cheap, cheap, and give you vast truckloads of them for your pretty colored Euros!
European Banker: Che bello, tesoro! That is wonderful! But what if the Euro does in fact tank? You will have huge piles of worthless colored paper!
U.S. Federal Reserve Banker: Όλα θα πάνε καλά, Αγαπούλα μου! Do not worry your head! In that case, the American people will as always make up the shortfall!
European Banker: ¡hala! That is extremely generous of them!
U.S. Federal Reserve Banker: Yes! Or it would be, if they had any choice in the matter! Ha ha ha!
European Bankers: Ha ha ha! xaxa! Ja ja ja ja! mdr mdr mdr!
Exeunt omnes.
ceoln 