I want a little lapel pin

I want a little lapel pin that’s officially recognized as meaning:

  • Hi there, salesperson!
  • I want to give you cash or show you my credit card in exchange for these goods here.
  • I do not want to join My Bonus Shopping Reward Points My Way or whatever.
  • I realize that it is “absolutely free” except for giving you my personal information, and I still do not want to join it.
  • I also do not wish to apply for your store-brand credit card.
  • I do not wish or intend to give you my telephone number or driver’s license for any reason at all.
  • If had had wanted fries, or a mini-flashlight, or your Special Of The Day, I would have brought it to the counter here.
  • And I didn’t.
  • In fact I do not wish to be monetized or upsold at in any way.
  • I just want to buy this stuff here and leave.
  • Seriously.

At least after I’d refused to give the Sears checkout lady my phone number when she discovered I did not belong to My Bonus Consumer Shopping Reward Points My Way, she had the good sense not to ask me for it again when I said I did not have a Sears Card either.

Sheesh!

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